“PUT ‘EM UP, HEATHEN!”
It’s a sad but well-documented fact that biblical literacy is plummeting. But perhaps the most disturbing factor of this decline is the increasing tendency of so-called Gen-Xers, Slackers, Busters, and young Boomers to confuse trivial pop-cultural information — generally gleaned from forgettable popular music, trashy movies, and mindless sitcoms from the 60s and 70s — with the things of Holy Writ.
The following quiz is intended to precisely determine your child’s — or your own — level of this troublesome tendency.
The time limit is three minutes… Go!
1. What three apostles had a special relationship with Jesus?
a. Peter, James, and John
b. Peter, Paul, and Mary.
c. John, Paul, and Ringo.
2. Which of the following groups is not mentioned within the pages of Old Testament scripture?
a. The Ammonites
b. The Jebusites
c. The Sweathogs.
3. What happened to Jonah after he was swallowed by a large fish?
a. He repented and the fish vomited him onto dry ground
b. An angel smote the fish with a light-saber and saved him
c. He was rescued by Aquaman.
d. He was rescued by the Man from Atlantis.
4. Which two biblical characters had an illicit relationship?
a. Samson and Delilah
b. David and Bathsheba
c. Joannie and Chachi
d. Prince and Sheila E.
e. Corporal Agarn and Chief Wild Eagle
5. Whose prodigious mane of hair was said to be the secret of his strength?
a. John the Baptist’s
b. Andre the Giant’s
d. Cousin It’s
6. Which nine-foot Philistine warrior was defeated by a young shepherd boy named David?
a. Goliath of Gath
b. Hulk of Hogan
c. Herman of Munster
7. What famous name change followed a dramatic 1st century conversion along the highroad to Damascus?
a. Saul became Paul
b. Abram became Abraham
c. “Jeannie” became Mrs. Anthony Nelson
8. The Book of Daniel names a trio of brave young Israelites who were cast into a fiery furnace. Can you name them?
a. Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego
b. Epstein, Horshach, and Vinnie Barbarino
c. Harvey Korman, Tim Conway, and Lyle Wagoner
d. Mother, Jugs, and Speed
9. Who was Jeremiah?
a. An Old Testament prophet.
b. A New Testament apostle
c. A bullfrog
10. The Book of Esther is located between which other Books of the Bible?
a. Nehemiah and Job
b. Amos and Hosea
c. Thelma and Wilona
d. Lamont, Grady, and the Epistle to Bubba
11. Who went as spies into the Land of Canaan?
a. Moses and Starsky
b. Aaron and Hutch
c. Joshua and Caleb
d. Rahab and Huggy Bear
12. What happened after Korah was swallowed up the by ground for his murmuring against Moses?
a. He was never heard from again.
b. He went on to star in Sid & Marty Croft’s H.R. Puff’n'Stuff
c. He boinged Uncle Fester with a fake sledgehammer.
d. Fred Sanford called him a dummy.
What immediately preceded the Holy Spirit descending on the Early Church at Pentecost?
a. Forty days of fasting and prayer.
b. Peter Brady’s voice changed.
c. Gilligan was struck on the head by a coconut.
d. Mr. French switched Buffy and Jody’s lunches.
e. Speed Racer blinked.
HOW DID YOU DO?
10 – 12 Answers Correct. You are biblically literate! Congrats!
6 – 9 Answers Correct. Dude, you’re in trouble… you need to read more Scripture and watch less tv!
1 – 5 answers correct. Way awesome! You’re a TV Land Executive! Congrats!